One night, a bunch of years ago, I was on my way from somewhere, probably a class or something.  So, I’m puttering along in my Chevy P.O.S., hoping that I was going to be able to make it home without having to call a tow truck.  I was really disgusted with that car.  The school I attended was not that far from the beach, so that salt air was doing a job on the car’s paint.  The A/C didn’t work, I needed an oil change, and the little bit of gas in the tank was going to have to last me until I got paid again.  In short, I was miserable and so was my car.

Going down a main street, I had to stop at a red light at a major intersection.  As I slowed to a stop, I noticed a Mercedes sedan in the lane next to me. “Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about!” I thought as I drooled over the midnight blue dream machine next to me.  As much as I hated myself for doing it, I couldn’t help but compare how incredible that car was, and how crappy my own car seemed to me.  The Benz had these expensive tires, while mine were so bald and smooth, that I was lucky I was able to stop at the light at all.  The Benz had that bad-A paint job, while my car looked like it had a bad case of acne.  The Benz was silent and poised waiting at the light, while my car was making so much noise, I could barely hear myself think.  The driver was bathed in the soft glow of the dashboard lights as he sat there, looking like, “Damn, I got a Benz!”  I was sitting in my car, sweating, thinking, “Damn, it’s hot tonight!”  But as I was sitting there comparing what I wanted to what I had, I noticed that, on that beautiful, expensive dashboard, one of those cool-looking lights was the engine light! The engine light!  How the hell could somebody have a car that nice, yet neglect it enough that the engine light would come on? This guy must have needed an oil change as much as I did!  Imagine that!  Now, I don’t want to imply that I was happy at someone else’s misfortune, but I suddenly didn’t feel so badly about what I was in.  Suddenly, that “dream machine” that I was lusting after so much a minute ago, was just another car that needed to be looked after and taken care of, just like my old Chevy.  So, with this newfound insight, I cracked a window, crossed my fingers again, and made my way home.

As common as this incident was, it taught me a valuable lesson that I have since applied to the world of relationships.  Just because something looks good on the outside, you never really know what’s going on, on the inside.  I’ve heard people talk about the relationships of people that they know, and talk about how much they wish that they were in one like it, or how they wish their own relationship was as perfect as the one that they’re so envious of.  Again, not wishing anyone any ill or putting anyone down, I am quick to tell these people that they don’t truly know what’s going on in someone else’s relationship.  Despite what a partner in this “perfect” relationship might tell you about how “perfect” things are, all you really know is what they tell you.  All you can really see is what is presented to you.  Sometimes people have a very big investment in being perceived by others as being “all that,” and that anything that they have, from clothes, to home, to relationship, is “all that,” too.

Any relationship, “perfect” or not, needs certain things in order to sustain itself and to grow.  It needs the actual participation and investment of each partner.  Few things tick a partner off as quickly as being in a relationship with someone who is “half-steppin’” or only partially invested in the relationship, while she or he is giving it their all.  Another thing that needs to happen is that partners, while they have to take care of themselves and each other, have to take care of the relationship, as well.  It’s important to do things such as taking a break and playing hooky from responsibilities every once in a while and do fun things for the couple.  These breaks can include things like: a full day of sex in new and interesting (or old and really gooood) ways, going out to lunch together, renting some videos and chilling at home, or going out to catch a matinee at a movie theater.  It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be fancy.  It just has to be.  Put in a little thought and consideration, a little attention to detail, and a little effort to let the person that you’re with know that you’re thinking of him or her.  It works wonders.  Pretty soon, your relationship can function as well on the inside, as it looks to others on the outside.