So much of how we function in our adult relationships has been influenced by what we've learned while growing up.  Some of this education took place in school, though probably not in the classroom.  Talking to friends during recess, endless talks and discussions on the playground, basketball courts, or the telephone, were some of the ways in which we were taught about what boys and girls, men and women, and love and relationships, were supposed to be.  Some of our education took place at home, though not from actual talks with our parents.  We learned about relationships from observing our parents; how they treated each other, to whom we could go when we were hurt, on whom we could depend, and how we showed our feelings.  All of these things were learned so informally and on such a deep and fundamental level, that we probably didn't even know that we were learning from them.  Despite being unaware of them, however, as adults, we act on them in our romantic relationships, whether we realize it or not.

Some of the beliefs that we have as adults were defined, shaped, or influenced by our early teachings.  What follows are some "relationship myths," beliefs that are commonly heard, frequently followed, and often wrong.

"A Bad Relationship is Better Than No Relationship."  This belief is often held by those people who have a difficult time not being in a relationship with someone.  Somewhere along the line, they've come to accept that being in a relationship is the "normal" thing to do, and they have come to define themselves as being someone's partner.  These folks probably either got into another relationship very quickly after a previous one ended, so that they were not unattached for very long, or they found someone new before they got out of the relationship they were in.  While it's true that a person's emotional needs can be met in a good relationship, the danger in believing that one absolutely has to be in a relationship is that one will then accept or tolerate just about any behavior that a partner dishes out.  Often, the price that's paid for believing this myth is moving the believer to have low self-esteem.

"People Who Are Truly In Love Know Each Other's Thoughts and Feelings."  Although this belief sounds romantic on some level, it is not very practical or realistic in the real world.  Think about it.  According to this belief, if I didn't automatically know that my wife wanted a sandwich for lunch instead of fruit, then I don't truly love her?  Partners who know each other well, who are very close, and who listen to each other can often anticipate each other's needs or desires, within reason.  The problem with this belief is that it cripples the need for good communication in a relationship.  It supposes that the partners are supposed to be mind-readers.  If you want to know what your partner is thinking, you should simply ask him or her.  Otherwise, you're only guessing or assuming, and in some situations, a wrong guess or assumption can lead to some hurt feelings.

"Things Will Be Better Once We're Married."  Not necessarily.  Things may simply be "different" once you're married, not necessarily better or worse.  Whether or not there will be happiness has a lot to do with whether or not the relationship was happy and healthy before the marriage.  If the relationship was good and both people were healthy and committed to working toward a good relationship, then chances are better that a marriage between these two people will be happy, as well.  If the dating relationship was full of problems and the couple was not focused on what was good for each other and for the relationship, then marriage is likely to make things worse.

"All Men Are Dogs."  I don't know which is more disturbing: that women believe this myth, or that men believe it.  This is a huge generalization that many people take as fact.  This belief has a widespread negative impact.  It penalizes any man who is not doggish, because either he is not given a chance to show that he is a good person, or he is not given much real credit for the good things that he has done because the woman he is with is waiting for the other shoe to drop, so that the dog in him can finally come out.  Come on!  Probably the biggest injustice of this myth is that it allows some men and women to not live up to their responsibility of being faithful and honest.  Some men excuse their cheating with the reason, "I'm a man, and this is what men do."  Women get into the act as well, and some may use the "all men cheat" nonsense to excuse their own cheating behavior.  Believing this myth allows women to have low expectations of men, and men to have low expectations of themselves.

"No Matter How Bad a Relationship Is, Don't Stop Trying."  This myth is a delicate one, and one that needs some clear understanding.  I'm not saying that relationships should be disposable, that as soon as problems arise, partners should give up and run away.  What I am saying is that partner's need to know that, once they have tried every possible way to get things on track and things still aren't working out, they need to know when enough's enough.  Some red flags to alert you when things are in trouble are: frequent conflict and arguments, instances of verbal, physical, or emotional intimidation or abuse (especially in front of other people), you find things to do so that you're not with your partner, or prolonged feelings of loneliness or unhappiness in your relationship.  If you and your partner have tried everything possible to improve the situation, including getting some professional help, and things still haven't improved as much as you would like, then it may be time to seriously consider moving on to a relationship in which you can find more happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

"My Partner Would Never Leave Me."  While being "together forever" is a worthy goal, it takes the concerted efforts of both partners to be able to hang in there and be happy over the long haul.  Unfortunately, this myth becomes a danger to the couple when one partner gets complacent or lazy, and takes the other partner for granted.  I tend to see this in longer-term relationships, regardless of whether the couple is married or dating.  It's almost as if the partner thinks, on some level, "I have him (or her) now, so I don't have to try that hard anymore."  Famous last words.

"He (or She) Does Some Things That I Don't Like, But He'll (She'll) Change."  This is a very popular belief that a person may not even be aware of having.  On some deep level, we often feel that our partners will stop doing those annoying things or that he or she will come to understand (through our bugging them or teaching them) that they should make some changes.  If you're in, or are looking to be in a long-term relationship with someone, and there is something about them that you truly don't like, here's an important question to ask yourself: If this thing about her (or him) never changes or improves, will I be able to live with it?"  This question is important because, although people can and often do make some changes when they're in relationships, it's probably not a good idea to try and force someone to make changes to suit you.  Some people may make changes, but only up to a certain point.  At that point, it's then up to you to decide whether the changes that have been made are something that you can tolerate or live with.  Another important question to ask yourself: "Have you been as flexible and accommodating for your partner, as you have wanted him or her to be for you?"

Many of the beliefs and myths that have been outlined in this article have been taught to us so early in our development, that we may have been unaware that we learned and practiced them.  Hopefully, though, you can now recognize or identify some of the myths that you have incorporated.  If so, you now have a better understanding of the negative impact that they can have, and you now possess the knowledge and power necessary to dispel and eliminate them from your relationships.