Are You a Psycho? POP QUIZ

1. You’ve driven by your girlfriend’s house to make sure that she’s staying home on this Saturday night because the two of you had a fight last night, and you see her car parked in the driveway. You:

a.  Drive away and feel deeply ashamed for doing a drive-by

b.  Shout “yippee!” because you think that she’s sitting home and missing you

c.  Get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize that she probably went out with her girlfriends and she rode with them

2. During one of your drive-bys, your boyfriend spots you before you see him coming up on you as you’re sitting in your car across the street from his home. When he’s standing at your window looking at you, you:

a.  Pretend that you’re tuning your radio and hope he doesn’t ask you why you’re sitting in front of his house to do it

b.  Act like you came by to ask him for more of your stuff but you can’t, for the life of you, think of what items to ask him for

c.  Tell him that he doesn’t own the street and that you can drive up and down it, a few dozen times in the middle of the night, anytime you feel like it!

3. You’re out on a first date with a young lady and she sees some friends of hers at the restaurant you’re in. When you all meet up, she introduces you as her “boyfriend.”  Do you:

a.  Correct her by saying, “I just met this chick and had no idea she was this damn crazy”

b.  Ignore the comment and assume that, if she’s insane enough to introduce you as her “boyfriend,” getting some sex tonight is practically a guarantee!

c.  Act like you didn’t hear her and keep referring to her as “Stacy,” even though her name is actually “Melissa”

4. Your boyfriend is ticked off because he called your cell phone 35 times and accused you of cheating on him because you didn’t answer your phone. Do you:

a.  Try your best to convince him that you’d never betray his trust by cheating on him

b.  Ask him what the hell was so important that he was blowing up your phone like that in the first place

c.  Tell him that the 35 calls took place over the course of seven minutes, and you don’t usually take your phone with you into the shower

5. The relationship that you just got out of ended badly and your ex really hurt your feelings because he was being a real ass. What should you do?

a.  Take the mature route and just accept that, sometimes, things don’t work out how you want them to

b.  Decide which size screwdriver will make the biggest holes in his car tires

c.  Google “Can they really get my fingerprints off a rock if I throw one through his window?

6. In the couple of months that you’ve been seeing your boyfriend, he frequently mentions little things, here and there, about one of his ex-girlfriends, and it’s really starting to bother you. You should:

a.  Have a talk with him about how it makes you feel and ask him to stop doing it

b.  Volunteer to be just like her and dump his ass, too

c.  Tell him you know just how he feels ‘cause you haven’t had really good sex since you were with your ex

7. Your girlfriend never leaves you alone for a minute and sticks to you like five ‘o clock shadow, no matter how many hints you drop to let her know that you need some space. You should:

a.  Respectfully suggest that you guys can do some things separately every once in a while

b.  Stop spending as much time with her and hope that she gets the hint

c.  Tell her that your other girlfriend never gets to see you because you’re always with her

8. For no good reason that you can understand, your girlfriend gets ticked off at you, starts an argument with you, and completely bursts into tears after telling you that you don’t really care about her or her feelings. About 15 minutes later, though, she’s back to “normal” and acts like nothing happened.  Do you:

a.  Scratch your head, wonder what the hell that was all about, and be glad that it’s over

b.  Tie a bell around her neck so you can tell where her crazy ass is at all times

c.  Wait until the next time she gets up to go to the bathroom, grab your keys and your stuff, jump in your car and get the hell outta Dodge before she comes back (Note: this move works better if you’re at her place when she nuts up)

9. Yeah, sure you wanted to be with a man who was compassionate and sensitive, but your new boyfriend is so sensitive that you’re pretty sure that he pees sitting down and gets cramps once a month. How do you tell him to “man up?”

a.  You don’t say anything and just enjoy the fact that you’re not with a jerk, for once

b.  You tell him that you appreciate his sensitivity but that it’s just a little bit much for you

c.  You put on the “Sex and the City” DVD box set and quietly move all your stuff out of his place while he’s distracted

10. Following some really good lovemaking, you wake up to find your partner staring at you, watching you sleep…not saying anything, just watching.    Sleep.  What do you do?

a.  Take it as a romantic moment and ask, “What are you thinking about, baby?”

b.  Take it as a creepy moment and ask, “What the hell are you looking at?”

c.  Realize that you just slept with a psycho, play nice and tell ‘em whatever they want to hear until you leave, and then lose their number and take the steps to get a new identity

“Are You With a Psycho?” Pop Quiz ANSWERS!

If you answered “a” on most or all of the quiz items:

It’s safe to say that you’re a pretty reasonable and stable person.  You either haven’t been involved with too many psychos or, if you have been, you’ve been strong enough and fast enough to get away from them and maintain your sanity.  Congratulations to you!  You’ll benefit from joining DontDateAPsycho.com because it will help you keep your record clean of not dating psychos.  Plus, it will help you to stay sharp and alert to whatever tactics psychos are gonna try next.  Remember, no matter what else happens in life, psychos are always coming up with new tricks.  Don’t be fooled and Don’t.  Date. A Psycho!

If you answered “b” on most or all of the quiz items:

Hmmm.  You’ve had quite an interesting dating history, haven’t you?  You’ve either seen your share of psychos or you’ve probably made other people have some sleepless nights worrying about whatever foolishness you were gonna pull next!  If you’re the one who’s been linked to the psycho, then you’ve probably learned how to turn at least some of the craziness to your advantage, or you’ve learned how to deal with it well enough to keep the relationship going, even though you knew you should’ve bailed on it.  You kept on hoping that things were gonna change and get better, even though the psycho kept showing you that “this is who I am!”  Poor you!  Well, you put up a good fight but, in the end, you came to your senses, cut your losses and moved on.  If you were the psycho in the relationship, the other person was a real champ for putting up with you.  Don’t worry, though, you just might not have known any better, but we’ll show you how to do things the right way, so you can get more satisfaction from a relationship and avoid further run-ins with the law!  Come to think of it, the same goes for the person who was with the psycho, too!  DontDateAPsycho.com can help each of you!

If you answered “c” on most or all of the quiz items:

Wow.  I mean, just…wow.  Seriously?  If you’re the one who has had to deal with these people, then “Bravo!”  You’ve dealt with more craziness than humans should be allowed to experience!  If you’re the person who’s been doing all this stuff, what’s up with you???  Not to be judgmental, but you’ve probably been driving other people nuts, you’ve probably been frustrated time after time ‘cuz “they” just can’t seem to act the way you want them to, and you’re probably on this treadmill of “relationship/break-up/relationship/break-up.”  Aren’t you tired of this?  Aren’t you tired of having people duck your calls, and tired of them telling you that they “accidentally” deleted all the emails and texts and voicemails that you left for them?  Maybe it really isn’t them, and it really is you!  Fear not Mr. or Ms. Psycho!  We have the answers!  Join up with us right now and we can show you how to deal with psycho issues so that they are no longer a problem for you or, at the very least, that they aren’t deal-breakers in your next relationship.  Remember:  “DontDateAPsycho.com:  Helping people reduce their dating stress!”